Tried making a #trendy ad for my Miata

"Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To" (murdersofa) 10/02/2016 at 15:26 • Filed to: crapcan miata, miata, For Sale

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Rather NSFW language follows. Hope you like RCR because I have the same sense of humor.

Are you fuccbois (and fuccgirls, I’m not sexist) mentally prepared for the awe-inspiring clusterfuck of machine and forced induction that I’m about to spring onto your sad little life? Trick question, because nobody is prepared for this car. If you’re not secure in your sexuality you can FUCK OFF because this car is gayer than Tiny Tim in a ball pit. It makes Richard Simmons teaching yoga at 3am look manlier than Dwayne Johnson chugging straight whiskey and banging Mila Kunis.

So what the hell is this car that I have been so kind to bestow upon your eye-holes? It’s a 1991 Mazda Miata with five raging PSI of athsmatic fly-farts courtesy of a Mitsubishi 3000GT VR-4 turbo to make sure you won’t get passed by Grandma Edith in her 1994 Mercury Grand Marquis (with the vinyl interior, doncha know). It’s a testament to the Modern Man. And boners. Every time I get pulled over for doing 400mph through a school zone full of orphans I just say ‘I’m sorry officer, I didn’t know how fast I was going because I was TOO ERECT’ at which point he is compelled to suck my dick and give me $4,000 in taxpayer dollars for wasting my time.

Things this car has include wheels, brakes, an engine, A/C, a 5 speed transmission that’s tighter than your girlfriend’s virgin asshole, a worn out soft top with more wet holes than your mother, freshly reupholstered seats made of the finest imitation animal flesh, aftermarket springs stiffer than the boner I had while building this beast, a dent in the quarter panel because I had my dick out for harambe and hip-checked a telephone because FUCK AT&T, a check engine light that only comes on when you’re being TOO HEKTIK and the pussy-ass stock computer #literally can’t, upgraded Mazdaspeed fuel injectors, custom-welded exhaust manifold, and a stock exhaust making this car so quiet that bitches won’t even realize you’re sneaking up on them until they’re already pregnant from how awesome this car is.

Things this car doesn’t have:

A radio because no music can compare to the sounds of pure ecstacy your girl/boy/horsefriend will be making in the passenger seat.

Truly glorious, I know. I’ve been daily driving this car lately and my penis is now three feet longer, bringing the total length to one foot. Fantastic. This ultra-manly ode to ‘accidentally’ slipping it in the pooper can be yours for just $1700. That’s right. I didn’t stutter. $1700, ya flaming homos. Drive your clapped-out Civic off a cliff and sit your flabby ass down in this glorious poster-child to “fuck you Mom it’s not a phase”.

Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 10/02/2016 at 15:38

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I’m just gonna go on record as saying that I don’t think these kinds of ads are funny anymore. Actually after the third one it gets Stupid to the point of offensive and close to insulting.

Maybe if your target market is 16 year old dicknuggets who wear ( is it Tapout, Affliction, or something else that all the hyper aggressive assholes wear now?) and thought the Jesus Tap-Dancing Christ ad was the greatest feat of marketing ever conceived... But this shit has gotten old. If someone was talking like this to my face he’d probably get punched in the mouth.

Please stop it. For fuck sake.

With that said, the pictures are excellent for a Craigslist or forum posting. Good job there.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 10/02/2016 at 15:53

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I’m going to reduce the bluntless of your reply by 57% with what I think:

Here’s all I want in a damn CL ad:
- good, complete photos
- a brief, correct description
- mention things that do not work
- if there are any physical flaws, state them or take photos of them
- mention major services (like a timing belt on an Audi) Please do not mention a bunch of whatever stuff like air filter, recent oil change, etc

jkm7680 > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 10/02/2016 at 16:02

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I’ll bet you five pesos that some SJW is gonna show up and act all offended.

TheJWT > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 10/02/2016 at 16:21

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I always wondered what kind of person wrote those ads.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > jkm7680 10/02/2016 at 16:38

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Did someone say, “five Paseos?”

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 10/02/2016 at 16:43

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Oh, and also there is a CL rule I follow: the longer the ad, the more things are probably wrong with the car. People use blocks of whatever theme their post is to hide actual information about the car.

“sick so shit you’ll be like mayneednewclutchandnewbattery #thuglyfe”

David Baker > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 10/02/2016 at 18:04

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Dudes, its funny. He’s selling a beater boosted MX-5 not a Ferrari. I dig it, loled a few times. The crew here might have a point though, post two ads, this one AND a straight one.

MUSASHI66 > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 10/02/2016 at 18:25

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Agreed 100%. I would not buy this car based on this ad. As a matter of fact, the pointless banter made it so annoying that I didn’t even read he whole thing, I just gave up. Give me pertinent info and good pictures.

I’ve seen ads like this that were super funny - this is simply offensive for the sake of it.

Captain of the Enterprise > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 10/02/2016 at 18:31

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I think you’d be better off with a straightforward ad, I’m a car enthusiast and that’s what I look for and it’s easier to take seriously

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > TheJWT 10/02/2016 at 19:05

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Did you ever have any doubts that I would?

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > jkm7680 10/02/2016 at 19:05

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I raise you 10 Francs.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 10/02/2016 at 19:06

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For what it’s worth this “ad” is just for a local facebook page full of teenagers with Civics with tons of stickers on the windshield. Craigslist and proper “for sale” FB groups will be getting proper ads.

jkm7680 > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/02/2016 at 21:10

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Yes for you only.

jkm7680 > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 10/02/2016 at 21:10

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BAH

then I raise you 20 rubles.

TheLOUDMUSIC- Put it in H! > jkm7680 10/06/2016 at 01:50

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Spridget > jkm7680 10/09/2016 at 14:41

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Looks like whitetrashsteve and Zoidberg earned you some pesos. 

Spridget > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 10/09/2016 at 14:42

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Dude, it’s a joke. I get finding his humor annoying, but you’re getting way too offended over shit on the internet.

Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection > Spridget 10/09/2016 at 14:55

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I’m not even offended. I’m disappointed.